Another Day Another Life Lost

Note: These are just FIRST IMPRESSIONS of the game through the demos, not full reviews.

For starters, Devil May Cry:

It was awesome and fun. It was funzome. Yes, with a z. If I was so religious that I would not buy a game with the word Devil in it, I would now.

For starters, the graphics. These are amazing. Dante (or whoever the fuck it's supposed to be, I'm not sure) looks young and old. Not sure how they pulled off white hair on somebody whose supposed to be young, but they did. Cut scenes are beautiful and the monsters have a nice jester feel to them that I personally love.

The sound is amazing. Dante truly sounds like the most cocky bastard in the world and pulls it off well. That's pretty much all I heard from the demo.

The gameplay is fun. Though the jumps kind of disappointed me. As it wasn't acrobatic enough for my tastes. Otherwise it was great. I didn't get the sword charge thing, or maybe I did and didn't notice it, but it was fun. Combos could go from sword slicing the enemy down, to using the devil grabber to pick them up and swing them around before throwing them (my favorite part) to then firing off rounds at them. The pistol seems useless though, it has no power what so ever and it's a waste of time. When facing the boss at the end, my mouth literally dropped at his sheer size, but like Tycho and Gabe, I found the whole "Fire Hell" part funny. Though I still have yet to beat him. As he seems to do something to me that anybody who I discussed it with have not seen.

Other than that, the game is fun, at first I thought the controls would be awkward, as I was used to the attack buttons being on the triggers, but I immediately got into it.

Next up, Virtua Fighter Five:
Boring Arcade Game on the 360.

When Devil May Cry comes out, get it. Ignore Virtua Fighter Five.

Armored Core 4

Best mech game there is, period.
Then again, I doubt any of you care.

Since I'm lazy and just wanna get onto the explosions, I skipped the custscenes. They were confusing anyways. Though what I did catch was that you were a mercenary for some colony fighting other colony for resources with giant mechanical "beasts" that cost a hell of a lot of money to use. Why don't they just fuckin use that money to buy shit? Seriously.

The graphics are pretty good, I haven't played it on regular quality video, only HD. So I can't compare them. But from HD, it looks awesome. The mechs look large and in charge. They feel epic and battle worn, while still having a feel of power around them. They look great in the garage. It makes them look large, and the darkness of it makes them look all the more lethal. Explosions look nice and there are no frame rate problems or lag.

Sound is pretty good. Though I can't say I like the lady who briefs you on missions. Half the time it sounds like she wishes she could be with you in the cockpit (Which I still have no fuckin idea where it is.) at night. Guns have their own sounds, so does each boost, and so forth.

The starting button layout is kinda odd and makes aiming and turning hard, but you can change it and some other aiming and auto boosting options. Which is pretty good. Though the game is the first game in all of eternity to force me to have two fingers on each set of triggers, that way I could have the bumper and trigger down for the same side. It made dodging a lot easier. Also, at first you'll still be stingy at dodging and aiming at the same time. Trust me, go through hard missions and that will change.

Though one thing I did think is quite cool is dropping weapons. Say you run out of ammo, are you gonna keep that weapon to just lug it around? Fuck no, you can drop that son of a bitch and fly off a bit faster. After all, you did lose a bit of weight. I thought this was pretty pimp.

The game itself has hard and normal missions. Hard being unlocked after completing all the normal ones. Some of the normal ones will take you a while, having to figure out the perfect strategy (Which is usually dodging around with quick-boost firing your ass off.). While others will have you laughing as you beat it so simply. Hard missions are the same. Except here it's more like, "Phew, just barely made it." Or, "GOD FUCKIN DAMMIT! I GOT MY ASS KICKED!"

There's also something called the simulation packs. Which are basically other mechs you have to fight and if you win, you get cash along with their emblem, schematic (The plans for what parts make up the mech.) and an extra bonus if you complete the pack. Once you realize what weapons work, you'll breeze through these with nothing. I literally finished one in thirteen seconds. Take out the time to meet the mech, probably about ten seconds of fighting.

Online is fun, though the one time I went online, me and my friend tag teamed and split up to take on the other two. I got my ass kicked instantly. Only later to find out that my friend had researched the player I faced and found out he was a fuckin japanese pro. Yeah, fuck that. Though me and my friend love doing blading matches. Online is fun, it allows you to compare your mechs and test them against actual people.

Though one thing I do have to complain about is that...... I think I spent more time on loading screens than I did on the game itself. It's literally:
Start Up -> Loading -> Load Game -> Loading -> Mission Select ->Loading ->Briefing -> Loading -> Mission for a few minutes -> Loading -> Mission Select

The missions itself ranged from a lot of things. From taking out a group of enemies, a target objective (Such as a fuel tank.), an enemy Next (Giant mech), or an escort mission. Don't worry, there are maybe like three escort missions in the entire game.

The amount of parts is amazing. You can edit the leg parts, arms, head, core, like thirty places where you can put little trinkets called stabilizers to make it your own, right arm weapon, left arm, shoulders, right back, left back, left holster, right holster, and even the paint down to each parts joints. It's quite awesome.

So, all in all, the game is pretty awesome. I completely reccomend it.

Pros: Mechs, explosions, online play, BIG FUCKIN MECHS, large amount of ways to customize

Cons: Loading.........

RF Online

I can't say much about it, this will probably be my shortest review.

The game, looks fantastic. It has orgasmic potential. Yet, one problem. Once you get past the nice start-up window and intro movie. The game lags more than fuckin anything. And for a four hour download, that's like getting slapped in the face with your own cut off penis. My computer had trouble with the registering website the first day, but the next day it was fine.

Yet it's ridiculous! My computer is able to run Oblivion on the lowest setting fine and this game obliterates my video card!

My computer meets and exceeds most of the recommended requirements. So why the fuck can't it be run?

Don't get me wrong, if you think you can run the game, go ahead. I recommend it. It looks great. I am just so infuriated that I am unable to play such a simple game. It's like the requirements are the bastard child of Oblivion, Half Life 2, F.E.A.R., and Crysis.

Pros: Looks amazing, free.

Cons: Won't fuckin work.

Gears of War

What can I say. It's pretty old. Yet still a great game.

I enjoy it quite a bit. I just love the function of hiding behind things and even being able to shoot blindly while doing so so you won't get hurt. It makes it more tactical instead of Halo where you can run in and kill all of the covenant. I could rant about how great that is all day, but I won't. So there, you owe me one.

The graphics are okay. I'd have to say they equal that of Halo 3 in proportion. Though I do like how blood spills all over the screen when you chainsaw. Then again, who doesn't like it? But if the characters were built any bigger, they'd probably have to issue a drug test before people being able to join the Gears. If you pass the drug test, you don't get it. I mean my god, you carry three guns and some friggin grenades! Why not just put a tank on your back. Though it all evens out I guess with the fact that bullets will be flying out of your guns faster than twinkies out of boxes at a weight loss camp.

The sounds are okay. Voice acting is nice. Though it sounds like it's made too much for the frat boy gamer.

I have to laugh at the button's setup sometimes. I will press to push up against a wall (TWACK!) and then I move one way and he pops back up to get shot. Nice. Other than that it's nice. I like the choice between blindfire and actual aiming. Obviously I won't aim while just trying to distract something.

Features. Hammer of Dawn. Nice. Losing it out of nowhere, not nice. Though I do love it. The small lazers all lining up, the first time you say, "What the?" You're slightly dissapointed. Then BOOM! "ALL RIGHT!" A big grin comes on your face as you obliterate even the weakest enemies with it, hell, you have unilmited ammo. Why not?
The chainsaw is also nice. Gotta love cutting them to bits. It's one of the delights in the game.
I hate how you can't choose where to put your gun. I can't choose between a shotgun and a sniper. It's just too hard.
C.O.G. tags. Simple little things that gain you achievements. They're in not to far away places that you just have to turn in a different direction for a few seconds to get. The game rewards it with achievements, but it doesn't make it where the task is something that will disturb the game. So it's a nice feature.
Oh, and, it doesn't look like your always fuckin aiming like in Halo. Your not gonna aim when you talking to your commanding officer, are you?

Online.
Sucks. Well, I tried to, I started off playing against some shit talker. My entire team died and within two seconds, I won the round for us. Then in the next game, I got disconnected. There goes half an hour looking for a game for nothing. I don't think I even have a record of it.

Other things. Let's see.... uh, why the fuck pay for the locations when you could find them on GameWinners? Nice thinkin Cliffy. Then again, it is America, the average frat boy will probably pay. If he isn't playing Halo 3.

Overall - A much more gruesome and darker Halo. It beats it for me with some features, but with a crappy online, it wins in terms of campaign. But online, Halo pwns.

Pros: More realistic. Tactical, you can hide behind stuff!. Nice graphics and sound. Good feel, funny.

Cons: Crappy online. Made for fratboys. Still sixty fuckin dollars. Seems to be a rip off of Halo in some ways.

First of all, let me say.
Fuck you.

Cause I know people will yell at me for this. But who gives a damn? My site, not yours. So bleh.

Halo 3. A good game to start with.

Way overhyped. It's okay on campaign. The only real fun is the online play. And that's if you find somebody you actually like to play with. Not asscocks that swear their heads off every time you die, even though you might have the highest kills and their dead last.

Graphics. They're okay. Not as good as I thought they'd be. When I saw the trailers and stuff. I expected something more epic. Where I literally jump into a fuckin platoon of brutes. Not fight five at a time and more come just as I kill the last batch. The game also has enough flare to make a blind man see. Especially with the flare. Here's a rule of mine. If the person is looking at a wall he is practically humping in a room that doesn't even have the flare near it, his screen does not go white.

Sound. It's all right. But I hate how the brutes are all serious and the grunts sound as if they're trying to make the game a comedy. Make up yer mind Bungie.
The only time I even really laughed was when I stuck a brute. I swore it said "Fuck you!"

Gameplay. Single player campaign will last you about..... oh, I dunno. One go. Two player will last about four maybe. While online is where it's at. The game's guns seems weaker to me. And I hate how rockets move at the speed of snot. The only good one is the missle pod. Which is rare. Rocket launcher, no homing. Fuel rod, slower than a three-toed sloth. Seriously. I shot at a brute with it, it waltzed out of the way. It wasn't even worried. The game also lacks any tactical things. You just need the biggest gun. Or hammer. I love the hammer.
Even online sucks. Cause at least one person in every game is some 40 year old fat ass who spends all his time on it while we go to school, work, talk to girls, whatever. And they will talk you down as they kill you and teabag your ass. Until they're booted off the team for it.
Snipers suck. No seriously, online. In one match, me and the only other teammate left (Other's ditched, how nice.) could not shoot the enemies at all. They would literally stand there, and we would try every part of their body. Nothing.
At least they let out an update to take out shotty snipers. I played that so much I was getting good. =O

Features. Vehicles are nice. I love the mongoose and chopper. I just feel like such a bad ass driving the mongoose and I love ramming through small vehicles with the chopper. Though I wish you could also ram through a wraith from the back if you hit the power core thing. Which brings me to my second thing. I love jumping onto the back of a  wraith and planting a grenade. It makes you feel nonchalant. Same with taking out scarabs. Especially when you jump on it with a chopper, taking out two jackals and knocking a brute off before getting off just as it falls and mowing down the enemies before reaching the core and pulling out the fuel rod gun to take it out. Though I would have loved to drive it. There are also some cool parts in the game.
Though I HATE THE CORTONA LEVEL! It is so long and boring I'd rather castrate myself than play it.
The newer grenades are nice. I like the spike especially. Though I hate the trip mine. Useless. Cause only Bush would not see that glow. So you'd have to drop it right in front of them.
Forge. It's a nice feature. Though I hate how people constantly pussy out and switch to editor to fly away. I don't do that. If your winning. Good for you. I'm not gonna run.
Theatere. Awesome.

Pros: Online, fun moments, can record them.
Cons: Repetetive. Same as the others. Overhyped.